9/28: Wisconsin BBQ

I spent this past Sunday getting to know a whole extension of relatives I have never met before. It was quite an experience -- everyone was welcoming and friendly and I definitely got a taste of the Midwest, even though everyone was Asian. On our way back to Illinois, we stopped by a farm owned by a guy named Larry. Wearing a narrow-brimmed canvas hat and sporting a gray grizzly beard that reached his chest, he showed us the remaining crop left from the season. Everything looked so delicious. He called his goods "as organic as it can get" without the certification. I can't really describe the day in words...It was very home-y and out of my comfort zone.




















Notice his blaring farmer's tan and his kick-ass boots. They define who he is or at least what I knew of him from the few hours we spent on his farm.

I sort of wish I brought a pumpkin home, but I'm not sure what I would have done with it.

9/20: K-Town adventures

I think we all agree that we walked way too much that day. We spend a good hour or so outlining our subway route to Korean Town, but we ended up taking two hours to get to Chicago and got off a good two miles away from our restaurant destination. We were starving and unaware of how far we needed to walk to get a good Korean meal. I think both Alex and Paul will agree -- it was worth it in the end. Cho Sun OK had some great Korean food and the place was packed, leaving parties standing and waiting for tables. Stuffed to the brim, we walked to a sketchy karaoke bar and had a fun karaoke session. A day well spent.

The reason why

More than 200 students, with the same determination, passion, and curiosity, trickled into the lecture hall to be greeted by a panel of professors, who discussed the importance of ethical and moral dilemmas journalists will come across. We listened to an unsettling 9-1-1 phone call and questioned the importance of honesty, reliability, and trust when it comes to sources. Sure, I was listening the whole time, but I was also thinking way too hard, building up the insecurities and lowering the self-esteem. Excitement and anxiety fills this stage in my life. I find it very intimidating when I realize just how brilliant my classmates are. Many of us are the best of the best and possess the same ambitions to inform the public. This wave of realization makes me question my abilities. I am well aware that I have many areas to improve on from design to photography to writing. I say there is no harm in reviewing what I already learned in the past--it helps to remember and review the fundamentals that can be lost so easily with more complex skills and techniques.

The whole ethics discussion brought up a lot of questions I need to ask myself. Meeting a friend of a friend who asked similar questions a few hours before the meeting only intensified my uncertainties. Why am I writing? Why am I taking pictures? Why am I doing what I love to do? The discussion reminded me of questionable situations in the past that may have been unethical. It is not a warm, fuzzy feeling realizing that I may have made huge mistakes in my past, and I keep reminding myself, "Everyone makes mistakes," but my self-reassurance is only so effective. As scary as all this uncertainty and fear is, I feel like I will find my way in the long run and that, really, all I have to do now is what I love. I intend to go with the flow and make the most of the fantastic opportunities here. I am going to soak in all the information I can get and make use of it.

It is three a.m. in the morning and I still have a good 100 pages to read before the start of class tomorrow. I'll brush aside the "oh shit" moment I had when fellow classmates relayed the assignment that had been posted online. I finished reading fifteen pages of my other assignment, which helped me remember a few of the reasons why I am here. The more I listen to the professors discuss important issues from grammar to misattribution, I remember the reasons behind my decision to fly halfway across the country for my college education. Well, I only remember a few and I can guarantee you that there are a great deal of reasons that I have yet to discover. Every time I step into that journalism building, the lectures, discussions, and information sessions make me quiver with excitement. I am here because of my love for all aspects of journalism. I am here because of my curiosity in the changes in media and the dilemmas these changes brings. I am here simply because I want to learn, I want to improve, and I want to find my purpose underneath the power of the pen.

Unfortunately, no photograph can aptly describe the situation I am describing. I do have pictures of my dorm mates and of Korean town, but more on that later. Time to start cracking. Or I may just fall asleep.

Settled in

Yes, this is a picture of the staircase in my dorm and yes, I have to get used to climbing up and down stairs and getting a good workout. No, I am not sticking a picture of a staircase up for sheer amusemente, because there isn't really anything exciting about this set of staircases. EXCEPT -- for the heart made out of elastic string. I have only been here for a day and have already found love in odd places. Climbing up these stairs after a house meeting, I happened to glance down and see it, but cursed myself for not having my camera with me. Luckily, the heart still happened to be there this morning.





It's funny how comfortable I feel already. I have only moved in for a day, only spent one night in ISRC, and yes...there are definitely some interesting and questionable characters all over, but I feel like I have been here for ages. My roommate is absolutely adorable and so chill--we fell into place right from the start. Our room finally picked itself up (except we did all the cleaning) and it looks like we are all here to stay. After all the awkward icebreakers and getting to know each other, my roommate and I spent a good amount of time sitting outside my dorm in the hallway talking to Ben from our exec board. I love how everything is falling into place. Plus, the more I hear about all that J-school has to offer me, the more excited I get about all the opportunities we have here. Of course, it's welcome week. I have picked up tons of fliers, signed up for a couple info meetings, and forgotten a ton of people's names. But it's fun getting the hang of thigns and already knowing that I'm going to have a pretty awesome time here.

Off to some more bonding!

Finally.

This project has taken over a year due to my tendencies to leave things unfinished and also just because life gets busy. But, alas. I have a pair of handmade legwarmers to keep myself warm in the dead of winter.

I love knitting. You may laugh, but I am damn proud to be a 60 year-old grandma. There's that sense of pride and satisfaction that comes from a homemade project. What's next on my list? A beanie, a scarf, and some finger-less gloves. What do I wish I can make, but will never be able to? A cable knit sweater.

Never easy, never ready

I've spent the last few days with my dearest friends. One fulfilled a promise and took me to Santa Cruz beach, where I haven't gone since I was about ten. The beach was barren of the expected sun-tanners and beach bums, but I loved the cloudy skies and windy surf. The beach is almost better when there is no one around and all you can really hear is the sound of waves crashing against the shore.

Then I hit the outlets with my lovely girls. I must say, we had quite a successful outing and I loved the in-between moments especially. I loved driving, with Janise knitting next to me and Stephanie knitting behind me as Janise blasted great road-trip music. Before getting onto 85, we went to Rose's where we had a hearty brunch. And I have for you, my vegetarian omelet and wheat toast.



It's funny how some of the most memorable things are those unexpected moments that happen in between the planning. It's those instances where your plans sort of fall apart and it's simply better go to with the flow.

I'm in complete denial. I'm not ready to leave everything behind and head off to the Windy City. These remaining days have been spent saying goodbye to friends, and the more I say it, the more real it seems to get, especially with as the days shrink down to three. I'm not a fan of this finality. To be honest, the "goodbyes" are scaring the crap out of me. I'm trying my hardest to just hang out and have fun, but my mind has a life of its own and refuses to let me forget that I am leaving all of this behind. Come to think of it, I'm not scared of the classes. I'm not worried about meeting people or just hanging out and exploring the area with new friends. What really makes my hands numb and my chest sink is the fact that I am leaving sunny California behind. It's as simple as that. I'm frightened that I will lose the sense of myself that sunny California has helped build. I'm scared of losing all that sunny California stands for: the friends, the memories, the talks, the good times, and even the bittersweet times. More importantly, I'm scared of losing sense of myself. As I type this, I can hear my friends reassuring me and telling me that there is nothing to worry about. As usual, I know that I have nothing to worry about, but that is all I can really worry about.

With all the packing, a tornado has hit my room, and I believe I will be sleeping on the couch tonight.

THE NIKON IS OUT THE NIKON IS OUT

Prepare for a wordy post about everything.

I woke up this morning with a sleepy grin on my face, remembering a wonderful day in the city where I finally discovered where Haight Ashbury is. I walked out into my living room and was greeted by the white ball of fluff that is my dog. He always does this, but today, the greeting seemed a little bit more wiggly and hyper than usual. Perhaps it may be my sunny disposition? Then, as my dog pulls out what remains of his tug and looks up at me with that mischievous yet adorable face, I settle back into my chair and do what I have done the last three days: Check Amazon.com to see if the D90 is finally in stock. And guess what? IT'S OUT! THE NIKON D90 IS OUT! While my dad is telling me to wait a couple months to see what the real product reviews say, my one track mind is thinking, "I want it and I want it now." Nikon has a great history of reviews even when it's the evaluation version, which is usually exactly like the final product version. Sure, my dad is being cautious and what he says is true, but damn. How do I pass up a camera like this? It's absolutely amazing and I have been wanting one of my own for so long. Before, it was the D300. I'd say this is a more cost-friendly option WITH D-movie features and a lot of similar D300 features. I want it and I want it now.

On another note. I love the culture of the city. While I personally think Union Square is a little too crowded for my own liking, the rest of the city is so rich with culture that I love spending hours on end just people-watching. There's great food and interesting stores -- life just never seems to stop there. Sure, stepping onto the jam-packed BART only to hear, "This train is now out of service. Everyone, please get off the train" isn't what I call a ball of fun. But to me, every time I'm in the city, I can feel myself trying to soak every minute in. Unfortunately, yesterday was one of those days when I didn't want to experience San Francisco from behind a lens, so there aren't many pictures worth posting.

The day before, on the other hand. I had the opportunity to hang out with my lovely girls who have had my back since freshman year. Their fascination for Whole Foods is slowly growing on me as I realize just how much stuff they have to offer, including these adorable, eco-friendly bags. I wanted one too.

Disoriented

I seem calm -- like everything is OK, like nothing is really that different. I try to get myself caught up in the little moments in each day. I'm trying so hard to focus on now and not worry about the growing uncertainty that lurks right around the corner. Easier said than done, right? Especially for a person like me, who always gets caught up in one little thought that bothers me and can hold onto it for an entire day. A person like me, who is always thinking about the future, what I am going to do with my life, what is going to happen next.

I'm trying to learn, with the help of the people around me. And, if I must say so myself, I think I am slowly finding that happy balance. I'm learning to let things go if they really are no big deal. I'm learning to go with the flow and truly be happy in the moment. I'm learning to do things on a whim if necessary.

But this next threshold is the big. I don't even know what to expect. I don't think it has even hit me yet that I am no longer going to be living in sunny California. Perhaps I am even in denial. I really don't know. I'm feeling about ten thousand different types of emotions at once and I think that's where this calm is coming from. The total uncertainty of what is to come. I don't know what to expect, what's going to happen, how my current friendships are going to play out, how my life truly will unwind and all this fear, excitement, anxiety, confusion, happiness, sadness, nostalgia has bundled it up into one giant ball of calm. After all, there's no other way to deal with this, right? There's no point in worrying, and I have no doubt that I have a blast and make the most of my time in college.

I don't know why I chose that picture., but I feel like it aptly describes how I feel right now. There's a lot of things I have to and want to do within the last week here in California, but there is so little time that I guarantee a lot of it will fall through. Right now, I just want to make the most of the time I have left.

Unexpected places

Have I told you that I am a fan of the simple things in life? Have I told you that I love finding things that seem a little out of place but are right where they are supposed to be? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense here, but this says it all. My brother called it a spider-clam. What I saw was a heart.

Keep in mind

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.

:: Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)

Houseboating on Lake Shasta

Unfortunately, we did not get a chance to rent a jet ski, but we did play a whole lot of Big 2, Scrabble, Uno, Monopoly, Mah Jong, and Scattergories. We also managed to eat McDonalds, Burger King, and a lot of Top Ramen. I would say that my little semi health-conscious streak has gone down the drain with this one trip. I think I'll be eating salads and fruit for quite a while. That said, we saw Sonics near the Shasta Outlets on the ride home and demanded that we have lunch there. The good news is that we had a lot of laughs and interesting moments, and the trip was definitely relaxing. At one point in time, Jon lost his flip flop in the lake on the windiest day of the weekend and we had to brave the strong winds to save him. Let's just say it was a lot harder than we expected: he ended up treading and drinking a lot of lake water, my brother had swollen, bleeding lip, and our boat was a little weathered out.


A good 4-hour trip there...I taught my brother how to use the Nikon D300, knitted, and did sudoku.


This is one of my brother's shots. I was trying to teach him tracking.




Our daily diets? Top Ramen, chips, asian munchies, cream-stuffed cookies, and other delicious healthy foods.


We all love our threadless shirts. :D




Games, games, games. We determined that Shelton never wins. He won Monopoly the first night, and that was about it. Jon sweeped most games, but I managed to pull a few victories here and there.









After we pulled out of the dock and settled in one of the alcoves for the first night, Jon, Shelton, and I decided to go exploring. This first excursion was when we learned that the rocks and dirt areas around the shore were extremely muddy. My brother has a fascination with skipping rocks and managed to fall knee-deep into mud when he went a little too close to the waters. We also found the S.S. Relief floating further inside of the alcove. What is the S.S. Relief? Well, it's a floating building where you can relieve yourself if the boat you are on lacks the necessary facilities. It started floating closer to the shore so my brother hopped on (nature calls), but the winds conveniently picked up a bit, pushing the S.S. Relief back out into the waters. Yes, that's my brother attempting to kick it back to shore.


I never thought I'd actually know someone who owns obnoxiously bright-colored Crocs. Enter Jon. He bought this pair of orange Crocs for $15 and my brother and I had quite a fascination with taking pictures of them. I don't know where these Crocs would actually fit in. Definitely not during wet and muddy excursions around Lake Shasta.




Now, this is one of the best parts about being out on the lake, where nature is on all four sides and the nights are dark (streetlights ruin everything in the city). The sky was absolutely breathtaking. The sky was so clear that we could see the milky way and the three of us played with the Nikon D300 on 30" shutter speed at 2.8 aperature. This was the best I could do without a tripod while we were lying on the roof of our houseboat. It was a little too rocky.




We had a little too much fun with the manual settings. We grabbed our cell phones and used the light to write words and draw pictures. I wanted to make a cute "Love Emily" for the blog, but, as you can see, my attempts weren't exactly successful.


We headed to the Shasta Caverns the next day. As you can see, it is our first time houseboating and perhaps the first time my father has ever maneuvered a boat. We didn't realize that there is a metal walkway that drags out from underneath for entry purposes. Four of us just took off our shoes and embraced the slimy mud underneath our feet (I apologized to the clams that we harrassed). My mom? Well, the photo tells it all.


Shasta Caverns. The funny part was: Jon, Shelton, and I were discussing the name of our tour guide before we actually got to the caverns. He was showing us a couple of vista points and saying a few bits of history on the way up and he never mentioned his name. Jon and I started making up names to call him and I happened to say, "It should be an alliteration...Colin Caverns." What was his real name? Cooper.





Now, this is our dog's first vacation. This day was also the first day we let him past the railings onto the hanging part of the boat. We didn't realize that he would actually fall/jump into the waters.


Snoopy--being the brilliant dog that he is--ended up swimming underneath the boat and didn't think to turn around. He got all the way to the other end of the boat before he realized there was no way out on that side.







I love this picture because it is the epitome of my parents and the dog. Snoopy spent A LOT of time barking and whining this trip. He has a bad case of separation anxiety and starts to whine and cry when any one of us leaves. Notice my parents -- My mom was always snapping pictures during the trip, especially of my dog. My dad? Sitting back, relaxing, and holding a beer. Classic.


We had a few incidents with these stakes. A couple of times, the stakes came lose in the ground and our boat started drifting away. Our propeller ate one of the ropes after it slipped off the railing while we were cruising. We ended up leaving the hammer near dock by the caverns and had to drive all the way back to find it. Let me tell you, these are sneaky little stakes.


Our Sonics run: Oreo Sonic Blast, Strawberry Cream Pie Shake, Burgers, Chili Cheese Dogs, Chili Cheese Tots. Yes, the idea is to stay in your car and order, but with parents who weren't clear why we were so excited about...we had to step out of the car.

This trip was interesting to say the least. What have I learned? 1. I will never live on a boat for more than three days at a time 2. Energy-saving goes to a whole new level while boating 3. Strong winds are hard to steer in and practically always mean trouble 4. Bug bites swell to the size of my hand outside of Taiwan 5. Lake Shasta really is gorgeous 6. Mud is squishy and fun to soak my feet in

I am glad to be back. These photos took ages to edit and put together. Excuse some of the sloppy collage work--I really want to head to bed and get some sleep, but I also really wanted to blog about the trip. I know, a perfectionist like me is allowing sloppy alignment on the site. I promise you I'll do better editing next time. But for now, this will do.