More than 200 students, with the same determination, passion, and curiosity, trickled into the lecture hall to be greeted by a panel of professors, who discussed the importance of ethical and moral dilemmas journalists will come across. We listened to an unsettling 9-1-1 phone call and questioned the importance of honesty, reliability, and trust when it comes to sources. Sure, I was listening the whole time, but I was also thinking way too hard, building up the insecurities and lowering the self-esteem. Excitement and anxiety fills this stage in my life. I find it very intimidating when I realize just how brilliant my classmates are. Many of us are the best of the best and possess the same ambitions to inform the public. This wave of realization makes me question my abilities. I am well aware that I have many areas to improve on from design to photography to writing. I say there is no harm in reviewing what I already learned in the past--it helps to remember and review the fundamentals that can be lost so easily with more complex skills and techniques.
The whole ethics discussion brought up a lot of questions I need to ask myself. Meeting a friend of a friend who asked similar questions a few hours before the meeting only intensified my uncertainties. Why am I writing? Why am I taking pictures? Why am I doing what I love to do? The discussion reminded me of questionable situations in the past that may have been unethical. It is not a warm, fuzzy feeling realizing that I may have made huge mistakes in my past, and I keep reminding myself, "Everyone makes mistakes," but my self-reassurance is only so effective. As scary as all this uncertainty and fear is, I feel like I will find my way in the long run and that, really, all I have to do now is what I love. I intend to go with the flow and make the most of the fantastic opportunities here. I am going to soak in all the information I can get and make use of it.
It is three a.m. in the morning and I still have a good 100 pages to read before the start of class tomorrow. I'll brush aside the "oh shit" moment I had when fellow classmates relayed the assignment that had been posted online. I finished reading fifteen pages of my other assignment, which helped me remember a few of the reasons why I am here. The more I listen to the professors discuss important issues from grammar to misattribution, I remember the reasons behind my decision to fly halfway across the country for my college education. Well, I only remember a few and I can guarantee you that there are a great deal of reasons that I have yet to discover. Every time I step into that journalism building, the lectures, discussions, and information sessions make me quiver with excitement. I am here because of my love for all aspects of journalism. I am here because of my curiosity in the changes in media and the dilemmas these changes brings. I am here simply because I want to learn, I want to improve, and I want to find my purpose underneath the power of the pen.
Unfortunately, no photograph can aptly describe the situation I am describing. I do have pictures of my dorm mates and of Korean town, but more on that later. Time to start cracking. Or I may just fall asleep.
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You'd be surprised at how far genuine ambition actually takes you. So what if all of your classmates are brilliant? You are too. The battle with apathy is nearly the entire thing with teenagers. The world is full of apathetic overachievers. As long as you're not one of them, you're set.
I know you aren't one because you were showing symptoms of stress-induced insanity today, and it was only the first day of class. Nobody who didn't care would be like that. :)
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